People will associate the adjectives you use to describe other people with your personality. This phenomenon is called spontaneous trait transference. One study published in the Journal of Personality and Social Psychology found that this effect occurred even when people knew certain traits didn't describe the people who had talked about them. According to Gretchen Rubin , author of the book " The Happiness Project ," "whatever you say about other people influences how people see you.
If you describe someone else as genuine and kind, people will also associate you with those qualities. The reverse is also true: If you are constantly trashing people behind their backs, your friends will start to associate the negative qualities with you as well. Emotional contagion describes what happens when people are strongly influenced by the moods of other people.
According to a research paper from the Ohio University and the University of Hawaii, people can unconsciously feel the emotions of those around them. The authors of the paper say that's possibly because we naturally mimic others' movements and facial expressions, which in turn makes us feel something similar to what they're feeling. If you want to make others feel happy when they're around you, do your best to communicate positive emotions.
Princeton University psychologists and their colleagues proposed the stereotype content model , which is a theory that people judge others based on their warmth and competence. According to the model, if you can portray yourself as warm — i.
If you seem competent — for example, if you have high economic or educational status — they're more inclined to respect you. Harvard psychologist Amy Cuddy says it's important to demonstrate warmth first and then competence, especially in business settings.
According to the pratfall effect , people will like you more after you make a mistake — but only if they believe you are a competent person. Revealing that you aren't perfect makes you more relatable and vulnerable toward the people around you. Researcher Elliot Aronson at the University of Texas, Austin first discovered this phenomenon when he studied how simple mistakes can affect perceived attraction.
He asked male students from the University of Minnesota to listen to tape recordings of people taking a quiz. When people did well on the quiz but spilled coffee at the end of the interview, the students rated them higher on likability than when they did well on the quiz and didn't spill coffee or didn't do well on the quiz and spilled coffee.
According to a classic study by Theodore Newcomb , people are more attracted to those who are similar to them. This is known as the similarity-attraction effect. In his experiment, Newcomb measured his subjects' attitudes on controversial topics, such as sex and politics, and then put them in a University of Michigan-owned house to live together.
By the end of their stay, the subjects liked their housemates more when they had similar attitudes about the topics measured. Interestingly, a more recent study from researchers at the University of Virginia and Washington University in St.
Louis found that Air Force recruits liked each other more when they had similar negative personality traits than when they shared positive ones. Subliminal touching occurs when you touch a person so subtly that they barely notice. Common examples include tapping someone's back or touching their arm, which can make them feel more warmly toward you. In a French study , young men stood on street corners and talked to women who walked by. The men had double the success rate in striking up a conversation when they lightly touched the woman's arms as they talked to them instead of doing nothing at all.
A University of Mississippi and Rhodes College experiment studied the effects of interpersonal touch on restaurant tipping, and had some waitresses briefly touch customers on the hand or shoulder as they were returning their change. As it turns out, those waitresses earned significantly larger tips than the ones who didn't touch their customers. In one University of Wyoming study , nearly undergraduate women looked at photos of another woman in one of four poses: smiling in an open-body position, smiling in a closed-body position, not smiling in an open-body position, or not smiling in a closed-body position.
Results suggested that the woman in the photo was liked most when she was smiling, regardless of her body position. More recently, researchers at Stanford University and the University of Duisburg-Essen found that students who interacted with each other through avatars felt more positively about the interaction when the avatar displayed a bigger smile. For example, you call a client on the phone.
Active listening is one of the most important skills that a person can have. Which makes your ears perk up more: hearing two people talking about a movie, or hearing two people talking about your favorite movie?
Obviously, some conversations that are boring need to be had—but when it comes to small talk, networking, and job interviews, finding common ground with the person your speaking with is so important. Listening comes into play again here: If your conversation partner brings something up that seems to be a personal interest—football, opera, rowing, a favorite author, whatever it happens to be—ask them about it. Not long ago, I was chatting with an old classmate about a mutual colleague and why he was so charismatic.
Making someone feel important, sincerely, comes from combining the first five of these steps. Small Talk: Why It Matters and How to Do It [Infographic] While networking is, at its heart, about forming genuine bonds with interesting people, meeting those people usually comes with having to make small talk. And though sometimes dismissed as frivolous, chit-chat is actually an extremely important social tool.
How to Network in Close-Knit Industries Let me tell you a little story about small working communities:. By: Kaitlin McManus. Published: Nov 22, This image may not be used by other entities without the express written consent of wikiHow, Inc. Ask people about themselves. Be interested in them. What conversation is better than with a person who is genuinely interested in what you are saying? If you are in a conversation and hear yourself saying "I did this, I did that," stop yourself.
Ask the other person's opinion. Conversations are two-way streets! It is always better to mean what you are saying. People know when you have false humility. Setting out to show interest in people about whom you really don't care just for the sake of gaining popularity doesn't work in the long run, so become the sort of person who is truly interested in others! If a particular topic is really difficult for you to feign interest, steer the conversation in a different direction.
Ask for a favor. This one may sound kind of funny if you're not familiar with it -- it's a technique known as the "Benjamin Franklin Effect. You'd think that the person having something done for them would like the other, but it's not so.
So the next time you feel the need to borrow something, don't hesitate to ask! The idea here is that everyone likes being useful and everyone prefers to have someone indebted to them -- instead of having debts to others. They gain a sense of power and purpose from you, causing them to like you more.
Talk about what interests the other person. If you know their hobbies or passions, ask! This will usually get them going non-stop and take the heat off you! They will go on and on feeling like you two are having an epic conversation when really you've been resigned to nodding because you can't get a word in edgewise.
If you can remember something they mentioned in passing, they'll be doubly impressed. Take opportunities to use their name.
People love hearing their name. As Dale Carnegie puts it, to them it is the sweetest sound in the entire language. If you can slip it in, do so. Be empathetic. Pretty straightforward and logical, huh? But oddly enough, even though humans on some level know this, it's so much easier not to do it.
We're all concerned with me, me, me and waiting for the next time we can add to a conversation. To amplify your likeability, turn the spotlight over to the other person. Focus on understanding them. A simple turn of phrase can do the trick. Let's say someone is explaining to you a recent problem of theirs.
Your automatic response is, "I understand how you feel. But you've just put the focus on you and your abilities -- and what's more, the other person may be thinking, "No.
You don't. Flatter them. Another one that seems really obvious. Unfortunately, paying others compliments sometimes can be awkward lots of people don't know how to handle them! For starters, get over yourself. Everyone loves it. Well, a genuine, well-timed one, at least! Make sure your flattery is purposeful and appropriate. If someone clearly had a rough night and still has the grime on their skin from the floor of a neglected public bathroom, don't tell them how beautiful they look.
Compliments need to be genuine in order to be appreciated and taken seriously. Telling a guy that you like his tie is well and good, but what would he say back? Compliment him on his awesome Powerpoint presentation, his sense of humor, something that matters to him or something that he actually worked on. He'll love the validation. Embarrass yourself. Since humans can't stand scrutiny, we avoid it like the plague.
Unfortunately, those embarrassing moments still happen to all of us, so when we see it happen to someone else, we feel their pain. And that person?
We like them more for it. National Institutes of Health Go to source When you see someone, let's say, caught with their pants down, there is an automatic reaction on both of your parts. The pant-less probably laughs hopefully , turns a little red, maybe cracks a joke, shakes their head, face-palms, and tries to go about their day with a shred of dignity.
What have they done? They've shown you that they are human. They brought down a peg and acknowledged it by their behavior. That's likeable. They're real. Let's say the same situation happened again, but with a different person. This time they keep a stoic face, situates their drawers back up, gives a terse nod, and goes on their way. Not at all endearing.
Their behavior didn't accept their embarrassment and therefore there's nothing to relate to, to sympathize with, or to find charming. Not likeable in the slightest. Touch them. Straight up, if you want to feel a connection with a person, you touch them. Obviously every relationship is different and thus different levels of touching are good -- but in general, it's effective at establishing a bond.
Imagine greeting someone briefly as you walk by with a quick "Hi. Now, imagine the same scenario where you walk by quickly, give a short hello, but you lightly touch their shoulder. Physical connection. You're on their radar -- like, like, and like. Make them feel good. Another big duh, huh? The overarching theme of this article is really just making the other person feel good. It's how you do it where the options come in. Every person is a bit different, but we all share similar qualities.
We all want attention, to be happy, and to feel like we're cared for and useful. And for those people that gives us those things, we like them. It's best to use a number of tactics to accomplish this. Just flattery, or just asking for favors, or just smiling won't do it. You've got to sprinkle them all in.
If you keep the focus on them, that should prep you for action -- asking questions attention , complimenting building them up , looking for advice making them feel wise and purposeful , and showing empathy being cared for.
When they feel good about themselves, they'll feel good about you. Method 2. The absolute simplest way to get people to like you is to smile genuinely.
People crave being around others that are fun and happy because it's contagious -- you'll make them feel good just by being present. Smiling is the first indicator and the most obvious that you are a person they probably want to be around. Smile and you're in. Remember, if you act like you are happy, you'll probably feel happier.
Don't force a fake smile -- others will be able to detect it -- but do know that if you're in not so great of a mood, sometimes faking it can fool your mind into feeling better.
Use a comfortable level of eye contact. This one hopefully comes naturally. Eye contact is one of the simplest ways to show someone you're paying attention.
When you're watching TV, you look at it, right? So when you're talking to someone, shouldn't you do the same thing? Too little eye contact can be seen as rude. Where else are you looking at? What is distracting you? Why isn't the conversation at hand good enough to warrant your attention?
If this is a problem of yours, simply be aware of it.
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